So About Kayla Collins

Gratuitous Kayla Collins Picture

We here at SSOM keep this blog kinda personal so we rarely post comments as a way of preventing every schmuck from using it for personal gain (check out my blog, it's really cool), or solicitation (if you want your cock to grow 4 inches in 4 days, go to makemycockgrowbigger.com and buy all the products) or make comments with little thought to denigrate individuals (Joe sucks my big cock that was made bigger by makemycockgrowbigger.com or [insert celebrity] is a cum rag).

Finding out Miss Collins put our post on her twit page was funny and partially unexpected, but not entirely shocking. She seemed to be a good sport and I gain respect for people who are willing to laugh at themselves, although her assertion that I was wrong isn't entirely accurate since many of the opinions I expressed are that, opinions and comments were based on two simple tweets. I pointed out in my own fucked up way that attractive people do have more options - people do treat attractive people better and they're more likely to receive favor. I stand by my comments. My guesses about her may be wrong, but I stated I knew nothing about her and took a few shots in the dark, some of which were confirmed. Honestly I thought I'd be MORE wrong.

My buddy told me that if his blog is mentioned somewhere else, he will get an email indicating he got a hit. I'm guessing a lot of celebrities/individuals of fame have agents, or they themselves, track comments that are made in the public sector about them. So if I were to say something like "John Cusack forced me to carry his love child" I would suspect that Mr. Cusack, or a party invested in his well being, would send an email asking me to remove the lies I've written, remind me that I am a male incapable of maintaining a gestation period and that I'm basically a moron. I assume something like that happened here, nothing terribly surprising.

We respond to all emails, but can't to comments directly so below is a sampling of comments we received about the Kayla Collins post. Please note we will not include any comments that used slang or slurs directed at Kayla. Rather, I'm going to poke fun at myself and rank each comment on an awesome scale (out of 10). All comments are unedited:

"You gotta lighten up dude. You should appreciate a beautiful woman and be a gentleman at all cost."

Awesomeness Scale: 3

I always find the comments of "take it easy" or "relax" or "you gotten lighten up" humorous because I am spending my free time watching the Olympics and writing about whatever. I'm pretty lightened up. I got irritated and started typing. Also, who is to say I don't appreciate a beautiful woman? I simply took two tweets and commented about my perceived absurdity towards those tweets. Lastly, pointing out a fact of life doesn't make me not a gentleman. Say hi to your mother for me.

"wow. you're an ass. truly. clearly you want it as easy as her. get over your damn self and use a blog for good rather than create more hate in this world."

Awesomeness Scale: 9

I don't even know what to do with this comment. I would LOVE to have it as easy as her. I walk into places  and people give me food for free. That's pretty cool. Being super attractive? Yes, sign me up for that. Thanks for the suggestion on how to run the blog. If it makes you feel better, I love you, random commenter. Say hi to your mother for me.

This next comment will be broken down into a few sub-comments (again, unedited) because of the greatness to which it possesses. This commenter basically told me how I was so wrong about Kayla even though their comment was retarded and proved me somewhat correct:

I personally know her...

Awesomeness Scale: 10

I knew before I read any further this comment was going to make my night because of the unintentional comedy to follow.

she's not only super smart...

Awesomeness Scale: 5

I never called her dumb. I said she wanted to prove to people that she is talented. If you ask her, I'm sure she would agree with me. Everyone does this. We do this every day at work. We want to appear competent and demonstrate out abilities. Strong start by you.

"She was into acting and modeling way before Hollywood, Hollywood called her. Seriously, Holly found her on myspace,.."

Awesomeness Scale: 10

Ok this is a pat on the back for me. On the post I said:

"You may have even tried modeling as a kid but after getting told how hot you are you decided to drop everything and go to California where you had to bus tables or some shit for a few months before somebody saw you and said "hey you're blonde and ridiculously hot. I know someone in Playboy".

So just to confirm, you insulted me by telling me Kayla was into modeling and acting before going to Hollywood and somebody named Holly found her myspace and then she parlayed that into Playboy and modeling. The best part is that, with no knowledge of her I was 100% accurate and you essentially called me an idiot for being inaccurate. This is just good good stuff. She tried modeling/was interested in modeling before Hollywood (like I surmised) and I said she bussed tables and luckily got found. Instead she wasn't even in California. Apparently this Holly person who either knew someone in Playboy or is involved in Playboy (also, who is Holly? Does she have a last name? Am I suppose to know her? Little help please) found her myspace. So again, she was fortunate somebody saw her. Good for her. Nothing I said has been disproved yet

"She is talented in many ways, and doesn't plan on the shallow life of a model forever!"

Awesomeness Scale: 10

Two things. First, what talents does she have? I'm genuinely curious, this isn't an slight. If you know her so well and she has many talents, you could take an extra 20 seconds to explain to me her areas of abiding interest that she is skilled in. Second, look at what you wrote..."and doesn't plan on the shallow life of a model forever". I take offense that you are calling all models shallow! They are not all shallow! Also you're trying to defend her and called her life shallow. Was this suppose to be sarcastic since I said the life of a model was shallow? They take pictures and make people happy. It's great and worthwhile but not thoroughly deep. She didn't work on the Human Genome Project.

"She would agree with you, it's horrible how the "less than" pretty girls get treated, she has friends of all shapes and sizes, because she's NOT SHALLOW!!"

Awesomeness Scale: 10

I never called her shallow. I said modeling seems lame and shallow. This is like strike nine for you. And I never said she only had hot friends. If you were to ask me, I would have guessed she has some portly friends. I have a theory about this I won't delve into right now but it's a pretty good fucking theory.

The last sub-comment will be broken down even further but I'm grading the rest of it as a 14 out of 10 on the Awesome Scale. It was so awesome I had to go off scale.

So, you hate all models?

No. I like models. I never said I hated all models. Models are pretty to look at. If you go back and read other posts I openly drooled over models and discuss how lucky their husbands are and what not. Why would I hate models?

Because she's NOT the one to hate. 

I love you, Kayla Collins.

This time you are wrong. 

You've kinda proved me right every step of the way. The battles you fought were wrong battles. But you're on your soapbox. Keep it rolling.

And, everyone is wondering if you're ugly, or maybe you just can't get a hot girl? 

Everyone? Like eight people read this blog. That's not everyone. To all those people, I am not a model. I'm a country boy. I have no shot at ever being with a girl like Kayla or any hot girl. It's ok because I do how some livestock that loves me. But ok, point for you. I'm not hot looking.

Just wondering why ya gotta hate on the hotties?? (Not to mention, it's not the pretty persons fault that everyone else treats them special, now is it!?) duh."

I don't hate on the hotties. I just professed my love for Kayla a few lines earlier. See?? (Two question marks, just like you!! You know someone means business with multiple punctuations to end a sentence). The last comment is sad and plays into the bigger issue with society (big picture people!). We shouldn't treat ANYONE special. Each person should be treated with respect or dignity and not given advantages based on opulence, attractiveness or nepotism. But yes, to close your comment you once again proved a point I was trying to make. I'm beginning to think you didn't read the post clearly. Kayla is attractive. People give her stuff. That is inherently irritating. Would you be ok if you and Kayla went for a job and she got the job simply because she was prettier than you? Probably not. I want to give a gigantic virtual hug to whomever sent me this anonymous comment because that person gave me gold to work with. Say hi to your mother for me.

Why do you care...there a millions of gorgeous girls out there that do exactly the same thing. So are you gonna go rip on all of those girls too. Honestly, you are just making yourself look bad and why waste your time getting mad about a girl being insanely hot. Is it possible that you are one of those guys that has a snowballs chance in hell at getting with a girl that is anywhere near as attractive as Kayla? 

Awesomeness Scale: 10

At the end of the day, anonymous poster, I really don't care. Not like I will lose any sleep over it. I had a moment where I read the tweets and got angry. I had my say and moved on. I won't be ripping every gorgeous girl who did exactly what she did because I don't know what gorgeous girls typically do. As stated previously a buddy of mine, who finds Kayla to be super beautiful, sent me her Twitter page with some dessert thing to look at. I saw the tweets and commented. I will not be pulling up the Twitter pages of every attractive person and making comments about them. If by happenstance somebody sends me a tweet from person X or person Y, yeah I may be a dick and pass my time by writing.

And I really don't care if you think I look bad. I really don't. There is the aforementioned livestock that love me. I have people at work who tell me I'm cool. My mom says I'm the best person in the world, yet still refuses to make dinner for me. So I feel loved and I don't think I look bad.

I have no shot at Kayla. Kayla, you are way out of my league. Many many many people are. I'm like a 4.5 out of 10. I live in Iowa. I'm kinda overweight. She wouldn't date me. None of this upsets me. You need to know your place in this world. I am not Hollywoody nor would I ever be. I do like my life. If she asked me out I'd probably cream my pants in excitement. None of this is new information. I've know it for like 35 years now. But hey, if you're single Kayla, I would be so stoked to go on a date with you. What do you say? If I get to know you I will then write a post about how you are awesome and cool and smart and all that.

Say hi to your mother for me.