Brett Favre Be Warned: Karma's Coming

Welcome to the Sunny Side, Shane Bacon.

Late Sunday afternoon, something will happen that seemed nearly inevitable when the 2009 NFL season kicked off: Adrian Peterson's Minnesota Vikings will be playing for a spot in Super Bowl XLIV.

I wouldn't say inevitable. Vegas had Minnesota at 25/1 odds to reach the Super Bowl coming into the season, not as good as the Baltimore Ravens, Carolina Panthers, Dallas Cowboys, Indianapolis Colts, New England Patriots, New Orleans Saints, New York Giants, Philadelphia Eagles, Pittsburgh Steelers, San Diego Chargers and Tennessee Titans. But you're getting at something. I feel it in my loins.

That previous sentence is what the headline should be. It won’t. This Vikings team is all about Brett Favre, all the time, and it almost seems necessary that the roman numeral’d Bowl has a ‘V’ in it just to give Favre more of a reason to be there.

Well we can't really know for sure the headline, but yeah there's a chance if the Vikings win they'll be some cheezy headline concerning Favre. He gets a lot of press.

He shouldn’t be. On Sunday, two teams are going up against each other with the true “good versus evil” corollary singing in the background.

Shane Bacon doesn't like Brett Favre. Hence, Brett Favre is evil. Let the hyperbole begin.

The New Orleans Saints are hosting a game in a town that was an American version of the Haiti crisis just four years ago.

Oh boy. This isn't just a Favre is evil but also a New Orleans is extra good because they were hit by a hurricane.

If karma is ever something the human spirit should believe in, Favre shouldn’t be allowed to win this game. The guy has done everything short of lighting brown paper bags full of poop on random people’s doorways, yet is still receiving all the adoration a pilot might get for successfully landing a plane on the Hudson.

This pisses me off. I feel like Bacon came to my house, pulled down his pants and shit on my pink azaleas.

Karma should come after Brett Favre because he is a crappy person.

I swear to God this is why I hate one sided editorials.

This Saints player allegedly accepted up to $100,000 in financial benefits in college, then won the Heisman Trophy and signed a monstrous contract.

This Saints player appears to be a selfish prick.

Two people were mysteriously murdered in this Saints player’s house.

These are the first three players I researched on the Saints.

I do not mean to impugn the reputation these Saints players. I’m sure they are all good people. My point is that every team has players that made questionable decisions, personally or professionally. If karma dictates that Favre shouldn't win because he's a dick, wouldn't karma hold these Saints players equally responsible for impure actions and thus prevent the Saints from winning?

Also, Favre receives a lot of adoration, but many many people hate Brett Favre.

At the end of the Jets improbable win over the Chargers last Sunday, 23-year-old Mark Sanchez was celebrating with his teammates the way a civilized person would. He was smiling and high- fiving and taking in a big moment in his young career.

Contrast that with the day before, when a man 17 years his senior was chunking a touchdown pass in the fourth quarter of an already- decided football game, when he team was already up 24 points, on fourth down!

Two entirely fucking different events that should not be compared. Then again, I'm a man who understands comparisons. This is retarded to the fiftieth degree.

Mark celebrated with his teammates. You should have an example here for Favre not celebrating with his teammates. Instead you brought up a play in the fourth quarter. A play probably called by the Offensive Coordinator or the Head Coach. Also, Dallas had the chance to stop the Vikings and didn't. Also, you're a moron.

Across the ball on Sunday, Favre will be going against Drew Brees, the type of athlete I hope my kid turns out to be one day.

He goes on to praise Drew Brees over the next paragraph. Brees is a fine athlete. Basically he’s the anti-Favre and Brees made Shane smile and laugh in Junior High. Whoopie.

People preach about karma all the time. Girls tell their recently dumped friends, “Oh, he will get his, you just wait.” People speak of how much of a “bitch” it is, and how it will eventually come back and haunt someone.

Karma is a defective concept. There is no equality in karma. It is a notion that helps people cope. It is why everyone throws out clichés like “he will get his.” The ancient Indian theory is designed to alleviate the depression over life sucking. Sadly, life does suck. Some people get fucked over and never land on the good side of karma. Some people are evil and lead relatively peaceful lives. Some people get away with crimes. There are guys, known as "playas", who dump numerous girls and never get theirs. Karma doesn’t translate in actual human existence. Karma works in Disney films, not real life.

My request for Sunday is for karma to finally show its face. Come out and give Favre, the man that dumped fans and teammates faster than a FedEx guy drops off packages, his rightful exit to regularity.

Favre has no obligation to the fans. If the Vikings lose it will not be because of karma. It will be because they played a bad football game. Favre may have had a bad game, but he will not be the only one responsible for a Vikings loss.

Let him walk off a football field for the final time a loser, a true loser.

And then I hope you trip and fall and scrape your knee and go crying home to Kiln, Mississippi because you're a poo poo head.

Let regular NFL fans not forget what Favre has done in his career: ignore Aaron Rodgers, whiz on the Packers organization, load us with more BS than an Encyclopedia salesman, lie to the Jets, frustrate NFL fans and finally go to his arch nemesis in hopes of winning one more ring.

1. If your job hired a new young writer to take your job even thought you were still talented and serviceable, would you bend over backwards for him? Or would there be a little resentment.
2. Every athlete loads us with BS and lies. They load us with BS and lie about performance enhancers, injuries, opinions about opponents, wanting to play with one team forever, trade rumors and a host of other things. Brett Favre is no different.
3. I wasn’t frustrated by Brett Favre. Perhaps if you in the media didn’t set up camp outside his estate and have 24/7 Brett Favre coverage, those feelings of frustration would not exist. Maybe you should turn off ESPN. It would cut down on your Favre frustration.
4. The Vikings are a very good team with an outstanding defense, very good offense with a plethora of skill players and they run and offense Brett Favre ran for years. It was a good situation for him to be in.
5. I would hope every athlete wants to win a ring.
6. The Packers didn’t want Brett Favre and he still wanted to play. There is no reason why he should retire if his services were desired.
7. I bet you've never talked to an Encyclopedia salesman in your life.

Let the Saints move on the Super Bowl, and let Favre finally leave our lives forever the way it should be: without a tainted ring and with a few more interceptions to his already NFL leading number.

I’m sorry you have personal issues with Favre but even this is ridiculous for you. If he were to win a Super Bowl he will have earned it. Why on Zeus’ earth would it be a tainted ring? This is so fucking stupid my grandma’s head hurts. Sure Favre has the most interceptions in NFL history, but he also has the most touchdowns, yards and quarterback victories (although I think that statistic is relatively stupid).

It is bound to happen; I just hope it does in New Orleans. That town has suffered enough.

If the Vikings and Jets win, I’m going to love reading Bacon’s piece about how the Jets deserve a win because they suffered enough through September 11th.