I Want to Matriculate at 7 Seas High

Brenda, I would like to sing you a Song

(so fitting for what you're about to read)

Howdy.

But enough chit chat. We have something serious to discuss. Since I fell and twisted my ankle on Friday all I've done is be 420 friendly and watch TV. And I watched a lot of TV. I discovered a show called The Suite Life of Zack and Cody which will go down in history as the greatest show of all time.

The main protagonists are Zack and Cody, twin teenage boys who live in a hotel that their mother performs. I started watching Season 5 where they are no longer hotelled (not a word, don't give a fuck) but instead are aboard a ship and attend high school classes with fellow classmates. The boys usually get in all kinds of zany trouble. The dialogue, although campy, is humorous and well timed. I'm ok with kids talking in puns because the children's television is suppose to be cheesy. Besides, it is the Disney Channel.

Ok enough about the blond twins.

The twin boys aren't the reason I grew attached to the show. The reason was Brenda Song. Ok, who is this girl and how do I marry her? She's like the cutest little thing ever. My first thought was "oh crap she seems like a nice 15 year old who will be attractive when she grows up" and then looked her up to discover she's 21. Then boom - the crush set in. Song plays London Tipton, a hackneyed hotel heiress in the model of Paris  Hilton. She is ditzy and self centered and really cute. The thing is, when I watched The OC or Beverly Hills, 90210 or One Tree Hill or Buffy The Vampire Slayer or any of those "high school dramas" most of my thoughts are sexual. Like really sexual. The girls on those shows are playing 17 or 18 year olds, yet they are 25, have sick bodies and all seem to be sexually motivated. Maybe because Suite Life is on Disney and there are actual teenagers on the show and the episodes don't revolve around sex but I see Brenda and I think "I want to marry you 100 times over" which I typically don't feel towards a girl.

So my question is, am I soft? What should I do? I can't view Brenda sexually but I do view her sexually. I'm so confused.