Zombie Lovage Presents : How to discipline other people's children

Have you ever seen a child running around half naked and overdosing on sugar at the supermarket? Have you wondered, where are their parents? Or flash backed to your own childhood and remembered, wow if I had done that I would have been beaten senseless? Well now you can take part in the lovely experience that is child rearing and not have to bare the responsibility afterward.

Tip 1.
Roll your shopping cart into an unsuspecting child. Be careful not to load the cart with heavy items seeing as we'd like not to hurt the child, but rather shock him into a more docile manner. Remember to get your timing right as the child maybe bouncing off the walls. After the target is struck as desired, calmly walk away and look as inconspicuous as possible, do not run.

Tip 2.
If you're carry moderately heavy shopping bags you can get even closer to a child. Position shopping bags one on each arm, I suggest using the sturdier bags as they tend not to rip. When swinging the bags aim for the back of a kids head and not his face, it's look more like an accident that way. You can achieve this "oh no" type incident by pretending that you thought you heard your name being called and turn around. Also tone up your acting skills as you might need to interact with the parents and convince them that you didn't intentionally want to hurt their little brats.

Tip 3.
For those always running into misbehaving children (maybe you work in a toys R us), it's always handy to carry around a slingshot and jelly beans. Why jelly beans you ask? Well they're small, they actually hurt if you shoot them with enough force and what parent would find a jelly bean suspicious? This form of discipline requires the use of adequate cover.

Tip 4.
If you're a really great actor/liar you can smack a kid and blame it on a small seizure or reflex problem.

And those are just some simple tips that I hope you can use in your day to day. For any other suggestions email me I would love to hear them.