Jay Mariotti Thinks A Stupid Cow Cost Chicago The Olympics

2016 Olympic bid was announced a few hours ago. Chicago, a city longing for a winner according to Nobel laureate and Quill Award winner Jay Mariotti, was the prohibitive favorite and would take the Olympic Committee's decision and turn it into a boom for the American labor force. Not only would Chicago's selection stimulate American economy but a glowing sense of nationalism would sweep across this country, creating an environment of brotherhood and tranquility only previously seen in Miracle and perhaps Rocky IV.

Now keep in mind the vote for the right to host the 2016 Summer Olympics was done by representatives of 94 different nations, many of which have different agendas and beliefs on who they think should host the games.

Rio de Janeiro came out the winner over Madrid and everyone in the streets of Rio rejoiced. But there was no joy in Chicago. Despite Rio's passionate pleas, a platform discussing the vibrant culture and what the games would mean to Brasil (no South American country has ever hosted an Olympics), our boy Jay discovered the real reasons Chicago lost:

Obama and the city of Chicago being cursed with decades of losers.

Oh good. I'm glad somebody figured it out.

COPENHAGEN -- This was the world thumbing its nose -- no, flipping its middle finger -- at America. This was the world telling America what it can do with its President Obama, its Michelle Obama, its Oprah Winfrey, its belief that it simply could drop into Europe and use Hollywood dazzle to win an Olympic bid. This was the world telling America that we still don't like you enough in 2009 to back you in 2016.

There has been a lot of bickering between the USOC and the IOC over the last year or so. I'm sure this article will be about the feuding and the voting practices in choosing an Olympic host city. There is no way Mariotti is about to go on a long winded rant about Michael Jordan,the Cubs, the city of Chicago being losers and the election being rigged.

And this was Chicago, city of sleazy politicians, getting a wicked taste of its own backdoor medicine. Seems the fixers got jobbed this time.

Oh no. Looks like I was wrong.

So the election was rigged. Do you have any proof of this?

Anti-Americanism was alive and not well Friday in the Danish capital, where Chicago -- widely believed to have the most practical and safest bid -- was eliminated in the first round by International Olympic Committee voters.

Practical based on what? Are you going to explain yourself? I sure hope so. I would hate to tear apart this silly article and discover you're just ranting with no concrete evidence.

Only hours after the president delivered what sounded like another campaign speech after an all-night flight, Obama was floored on Air Force One by the news that he had been outpoliticked by the more emotional, sincere and harder-working Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva of Brazil.

Haha he was floored on a plane! Just a funny expression given Obama was 30,000 feet in the air.

But seriously, you said the selection was effectively rigged. Why should he be floored if it was a doomed mission from the start? Somebody should have informed the President of the rigged election.

I'm looking at you, Mariotti.

Silva pounded home the void that never has made much sense: South America hasn't hosted an Olympic Games. And with the International Olympic Committee voters in no mood to do favors for the U.S., it was a convenient time to award the Games to Rio de Janeiro, where the thong bikini was born and where a teary-eyed Pele won the game this week that a U.S. sports legend, Michael Jordan, never showed up for.

Oh so maybe Rio receiving the bid had nothing to do with the United States as much as it is due to South America never hosting a fucking Olympiad.

And what do bikinis have to do with anything? America is where the Hubbard Electometer was born. You know, that machine which determined whether tomatoes experienced pain and Hubbard came to the conclusion that tomatoes, when sliced, scream. Should the Hubbard Electrometer automatically preclude the United States from hosting the games?

Also, bikinis originate back to ancient times, in Çatalhöyük. Not Brasil.

The ramifications are rippling. It's another blow for Obama, whose big talking hasn't resulted in much action on a growing number of fronts. He gambled and failed miserably in Denmark, traveling overseas and getting his butt whipped to the delight of Republicans ripping him for wasting his time in a competition in which he finished dead last.

You just said a few paragraphs ago that the vote was rigged and Chicago had no shot. How can you blame him for losing an unwinnable war? I don't care that unwinnable isn't a real word, I'm annoyed. And Mariotti is stupid.

Seems there was too much Hollywood and not enough heart and substance for the voters, who liked the Obamas and Oprah as celebrities but perhaps sensed an arrogance and a lack of understanding about their precious Olympic movement. The president took a chance with a significant at-bat on the international level. Not only did he go down swinging, he got nailed in the head with a fastball.

Since you don't understand sports analogies, a beanball would give the batter first base. If a homerun is Chicago receiving the Olympic bid, striking out would mean Chicago didn't get the bid. A beanball would be like us not receiving the Olympics but all of our athletes can compete regardless of Olympic trials qualifying for the games. Right? I'm not even sure. But what I am sure about is that your analogy sucks.

"We are not going to put this on President Obama," Chicago 2016 bid chairman Patrick Ryan said. "We just didn't win today." But was there too much starpower for the IOC crowd?

I don't know. Brasil had Pele. Arguably the world's greatest athlete. He's a fairly big fucking star. Everyone knows Pele. My unborn child knows Pele. That didn't hurt Brasil.

"I think the support from the president and the first lady was fabulous," said Larry Probst, chairman of the U.S. Olympic Committee, which didn't help Chicago's cause with its organizational disarray in recent months. "Everything they did was spectacular. I couldn't be happier to have them as part of the presentation."

The talk was heavy, too, that the IOC simply can't stand the USOC, which has had a tumultuous year that included a disagreement with the IOC over a USOC-designed Olympics TV network.

So maybe that's why Chicago lost. Organizational dissary; not a hypothetical theory of a rigged election. You should probably start talking about that since it is a concrete reason leading to Chicago's defeat.

Was it true Asian voters rallied together to vote for Tokyo, knocking out Chicago early? "I'm shocked," IOC member Kevan Gosper, of Australia, told the Associated Press. "The whole thing doesn't make sense other than there has been a stupid bloc vote ... To have the president of the United States and his wife personally appear, then this should happen in the first round, is awful and totally undeserving."

The President of Brasil was there. Would it have been deserving and justified if they lost the bid? Imagine if President Obama was there for a week and President Silva shows up for 17 seconds and Chicago got ousted. The USOC would have taken a shit the size of Tennessee.

And if there was Asian block voting, wouldn't Tokyo have come out closer to the victor? Tokyo lost votes from the first round to the second round. Explain that. Don't bother, you can't. I'll try explaining it later.

Lastly, maybe the Asian countries felt an Asian country would do a better job hosting. These are important statements and questions that need to be asked and addressed. You're the columnist. I'm the haberdasher. I'm doing your fucking job for you. Jesus Christ on Graham Crackers.

As for Chicago, well, forget Steve Bartman, the Cubs, a fire supposedly started by Mrs. O'Leary's cow and your other civic embarrassments through time. What happened in the Danish capital reconfirmed what I've always suspected about the place: It simply can't win the big one.

Something tells me the next few paragraphs are going to piss me off.

I mean, they brought their hometown hero, Obama.

He's also the President.

They brought his wife.

The President's wife.

They brought Oprah.

Stupid choice. Why didn't we bring Landon Donovan? Pele worked out well for Brasil.

The difference between this loss and the typical sports loss in Chicago was $100 million, the cost of the bidding process. That's about 20 million Italian beef sandwiches, not that the world will be tasting Chicago's culinary grease in seven years. In the IOC, Obama and Mayor Richard M. Daley met an opponent more formidable than the Chicago political machine. This is the shiftiest group in all of sports, and rather than go with the surer financial bet of Chicago, they went with the zeal of the Brazilians. Daley's legacy as a can-do mayor will take a major hit. He isn't sophisticated enough to dazzle a global audience and forever will be known as a village idiot who rose to power on the coattails of his father, Richard J. Daley.

Ok I have no clue where the fuck this piece is going. The IOC is a shifty group. They went with Brasil because they were zealous and Pele was walking around. Besides, they probably weren't going to pick the US anyway because everyone thinks we're dicks and even New York got shafted in 2005 for the 2012 Olympics. Why should anyone blame Daley for not convincing the shifty IOC?

What about 2020? Uh, no. "It's already in this hemisphere, with Rio, and it would not make sense for an American city to try again in 2020," he said. "It's in this hemisphere and they have to move somewhere else."

Maybe we need to take a step back and wait a few years before we try for another Olympiad. Give the USOC a chance to mend fences and for our national reputation to improve.

Did Jordan's absence hurt? I don't think it cost Chicago the Games, but having passed Pele three times in the media center hallway, always wearing a smile and a bounce in his step, I can say that the presence of the soccer icon helped Rio.

Jordan always seems grumpy to me. What about Handsome Tom Brady?

This was a particularly harsh defeat for Chicago, in that the Olympics represented a chance to finally bust out globally after years in the shadows of New York and Los Angeles. The inferiority complex I wrote about in a previous column firmly remains intact, more painful than ever. The Cubs haven't won in 101 years. The White Sox have won once in 92 years. The Bears have won once in 45 years. The Blackhawks haven't won in 48 years. Hosting the Olympics would have cut through those self-esteem problems and given the city its own stage to go cosmopolitan and shed the world's cliche images: Al Capone, hog butcher to the world, Jordan. Instead, Chicago loses by this first-round score -- Madrid 28, Rio 26, Tokyo 22, Chicago 18. Not even close.

Ok, now I'm pissed.

Dillbag conveniently left out the FUCKING CHICAGO BULLS WHICH WON SIX FUCKING CHAMPIONSHIPS IN THE FUCKING 1990'S.

What the hell does the Cubs not winning a World Series since 1908 have to do with Chicago not getting the 2016 Olympics?

In looking at the four major sports Mariotti referenced, I counted the championships over the last 25 seasons by city (or state if that state does not have a city with a sports franchise - ie Denver Broncos/Colorado Avalanche).

Here's what I got:

New York - 9 (with a lot of teams)
Chicago - 8 (eat shit Jay Mariotti)
Detroit - 8
Los Angeles - 7 (I did not include Anaheim for obvious reasons)
Boston - 7 (NE Patriots were included)
Edmonton - 5
Pittsburgh - 5

It looks to me like Chicago has won the big one a bunch of times.

Now I know some cities have more professional teams and I did take that into consideration but lets look at a few other cities over the last 25 sports years of the four major sports:

Cincinnati - 1 (no hockey or basketball teams)
Philadelphia - 1
Cleveland - 0 (no hockey team)
Atlanta - 0
Seattle - 0 (and the Sonics relocated, no hockey team)
San Diego - 0 (no basketball team, no hockey team)

Chicago has been one of the most successful cities over the last 25 years. Now you may say "Captain, they have won 8 championships but the Bulls are responsible for 6. Can't you say Chicago is still a losing city excluding that one team, ala Mariotti's point?"

I'd probably respond with "well most city has one dominant team." The Lakers have won 7 of LA's 8 titles. And actually, let's look at LA a little deeper: their hockey team sucks, the Clippers suck, Dodgers last won a title in 1988 and they lost two professional football teams. The Yankees have won 4 of NY's 9 titles. Half of Detroit's titles were won by the Red Wings. All of Edmonton's titles were won by the Oilers, their only professional team.

If you grew up a Chicago fan, you've seen more winning than may other cities. Chicago is not a suffering sports town. Yes, I realize the Cubs and Bears are more of the lifeline of Chicago but the point is, Chicago has seen A LOT of winning. They are not a losing city.

And this will hurt for a long time in the Second City because, unlike baseball, there is no next year.

You can use the "next year" aphorism in any sport.

The world has made its evaluation on Chicago after years of close inspection. The city is not worthy of an international stage, a frustration revealed in Ryan's voice during a messy exchange with reporters.

I don't understand the incrimination of Chicago here. I think Mariotti is attempting to rustle a few feathers.

Look.

I've always found the better negative story angle interesting in sports. New England beat Indianapolis for the AFC Championship game in 2004, 24-14 where Ty Law intercepted Peyton Manning thee times. I remember the majority of football talk after that game and the subsequent off season discussions centered around Manning "not being able to win the big one" and comments of that nature, overshadowing the terrific game Law and the Pats defense played.

The Yankees lose to the Angels in 2007 and we were subjected to A-Rod failing to win in the post season as if he was the sole reason the Yankees lost.

It seems that the stronger, more interesting story lines, are pejorative in nature. People like to bitch and complain because it causes greater discussion. Sometimes these story lines are forced, like this article. What about discussing the great things about Rio instead of ripping apart Chicago? You make it sound like the IOC spent 10 minutes in Chicago and spit on the Windy City. Which would be stupid since the wind currents may have taken their spit and hurtled it back into their IOC faces.

Criticism is apart of sports but instead of the degradation of Peyton (until he won a Super Bowl), A-Rod and Chicago in these example, it may make more sense to talk more about the greatness of the Pats D, the Angles deep bullpen and the extravagant presentation Rio provided. Yeah, Americans might not want to hear all about Brasil, but I fail to see what this article is accomplishing by tearing Chicago a new asshole for no good reason.

"We'll use a sports metaphor -- we had a great team, a great plan and IT WASN'T OUR DAY TO WIN TODAY!" he shouted. "If you'd be quiet, you can hear. We fought a good fight, and I'm very proud of our team and very proud of the support from the city of Chicago. That's the way it goes. Some days you win, some days you don't. We didn't today."

But does Chicago ever win? Not as much as it should.

We've gone over this. Look up a few paragraphs.

Pittsburgh, about one-fifth the size, boasts the Super Bowl and Stanley Cup champions at the same time.

Yes. Last year. This happened last year. Do you know what other cities did not win the Super Bowl and Stanley Cup last year? New York, which has 3 football teams and 2 hockey teams. Boston is bigger than Pittsburgh and didn't win both championships last year. Same goes for Dallas and Detroit. Hell, LA doesn't even have a pro football team. What losers! Pittsburgh is smaller than all of these cities and won both. It happens. Sentiment human beings call this coincidence. Last year Pittsburgh's franchises were both talented and fortunate enough to win two championships. Good for them. This isn't any more of an incrimination against Chicago as it is New York, Boston, Dallas or Detroit.

Chicago is thrilled to death whenever it makes the playoffs in anything.

I know a lot of Yankee fans. They've made the playoffs like 50 times over the last 51 years. They've seen their team win two dozen or so championships. Have you talked to Yankee fans? They're pretty stoked about the Yankees. Fans are generally happy when their team makes the playoffs. Yes, some fans may grow a little disillusioned (Braves from the 1990s) but generally speaking most fans like it when their teams are successful and are thrilled when their teams reach the postseason.

Not surprisingly, Ryan was blase and non-committal about a future bid, while Probst, whose committee now has suffered two straight crushing losses, only could say, "We'll evaluate a future bid. But we certainly feel disappointed. That's how it goes, and we'll continue to be part of the global Olympic movement."

Forgetting the usual need for prim-and-proper behavior, the staid, stuffy IOC members broke from protocol during Obama's visit. They grabbed their cell phones and giddily took photos of the president, confirming that they view him as a rock star more than the leader of the free world.

I thought the IOC didn't care about star power, except for the soccer kicking former soccer player from that nation where they play a lot of really good soccer.

"I urge you to choose Chicago," Obama told the voting members during his brisk five-hour stay. "And if you do -- if we walk this path together -- then I promise you this: The city of Chicago and the United States of America will make the world proud." He sounded, as GOP House leader John Boehner has complained, like a parochial homer. "He's the president of the United States, not the mayor of Chicago," the Ohio Republican said. Would Obama have come to Denmark if another U.S. city were bidding and not his hometown? Probably not.

Maybe. Maybe not. You might be right. But he is from Chicago. It means a little more. Clinton was giddy as a Razorback in shit when Arkansas won the National Championship over Duke in 1994. George Bush (the last one) seemed pretty stoked when Texas won the National Championship in football and baseball a few years ago.

Did he lack a certain energy? Yes, perhaps understandable after an all-night flight. His counterpart, Silva, displayed the impassioned verve of a man who had been sleeping in Denmark all week and was ready to brawl.

You know what I love? If Obama was there for a few hours, he would be criticized for not treating the Olympics like it was a big deal. If he was there for a week, he would be criticized for treating the Olympics like it was too big of a deal when he should be focused on health care.

While Obama and the Chicago leaders emphasized financial and security advantages -- yes, even with all the city's crime, Chicago somehow is safer than Rio -- Silva went big on the glaring fact that South America never has hosted the Games.

I'm not an economist so I'm not qualified to estimate the amount of money Chicago would generate over Rio. I think crime is a valid point. Homicide in Chicago is 15.6 murders per every 100,000 people where as in Rio we're looking at 37.7 murders. A lot of those murders in Rio occur in the poor areas which are controlled by drug lords. Another valid point is Rio's low paid police which have a history of corruption and violent behavior. I strongly hope the IOC considered all of this in their final decision. Is it enough to push Chicago past Rio? I can't say. I'm all about spreading the Olympics. They are the world's games after all. I do not blame Silva for championing the "South America never hosted an Olympiad" campaign. It was the smart approach.

I couldn't find the homicide rate for Tokyo, but the homicide rate in Japan is 0.5 murders (!!!) per 100,000 individual. You would think the rate in a big city like Tokyo would be slightly higher but even that is nothing compared to Chicago and Rio. The homicide rate in Madrid is less than 2 per 100,000. Pretty astounding.

In the research I did, I found some differences (and for Madrid the data was from 2006) but using these as a fairly good barometer, I think if we are using crime/homicide, Tokyo and Madrid win out. Now this is just homicide, mind you. There are numerous other crimes that can be committed. I was hoping to use the most severe to prove the point that if crime was the primary factor, Madrid and Tokyo come out way ahead of Chicago and Rio.

To pound home the country's point, Rio bid leader Carlos Nuzman used a map while citing the number of times each continent has hosted the Games: 30 for Europe, five for Asia, two in Oceania and 12 in North America -- a whopping eight in the U.S. "Among top 10 economies of the world, Brazil is only one that has not hosted an Olympics and Paralympic Games," Silva said. "For the others, it is just one more Games; for us it will be an unparalleled opportunity. The Olympic Games belong to all people, all continents, all humanity. It is a time to address this imbalance. It is time to light the Olympic cauldron in a tropical country."

I gotta go with Silva on this one. In the last 30 years we've hosted the Winter Olympics twice (1980 - Lake Placid, 2002 - Salt Lake City) and Summer Olympics twice (1984 - Los Angeles, 1996 - Atlanta). Now don't get me wrong, I would love it if the games were in Chicago. I'd put on my Uncle Sam hat, wear some red, white and blue tee shirts, and would visit Chicago again. I love Chicago and think it's a marvelous city. I couldn't make the other four and it would be pretty neat to attend the Olympics in person. We have had a pretty good run at it over the last few decades, more than most countries. Let's give Rio a try.

Equally emotional was former IOC president Juan Antonio Samaranch, the 89-year-old Spaniard who pleaded with voters to choose Madrid. "I know that I am very near the end of my time," Samaranch said. "I am, as you know 89 years old. May I ask you to consider granting my country the honor and also the duty to organize the games in 2016. Thank you." It worked to a degree -- Madrid finished second.

Second is the first loser, my friend. And good job sending an almost dead guy. The sympathy vote does work. Maybe we should have sent Jimmy Carter. Dude is like 85 and everyone loves Jimmy now although he's historically considered a pretty crappy president. He founded the Carter Center. That would have been a great selling point. Also, he lives on a fucking peanut farm. I'm not sure what that last sentence has to do with anyone. I think I am trying to say that we should have sent someone old.

So the question became whether Obama's mere appearance would be enough to land the bid. The answer was no, by a landslide.

Did anyone really expect this? Mariotti seems to have lofty unrealistic expectations for Obama.

The Barack-loves-Chicago theme continued -- to the point of ad nauseum, some outsiders might say -- when he said a video that was shown to IOC members "made me miss home." Never mind that he lives in Washington and has been criticized in Chicago for not spending enough time there.

Ok, you're being a very nitpicky son of a bitch now. I went to college out of state and spent very little time in New York. I missed New York terribly and my mom gave me a ton of shit for never being home. I don't think Obama can relocate the White House to the south side of Chicago.

"There is nothing I would like more than to step just a few blocks from my family's home and with Michelle and our two girls welcome the world back to our neighborhood," Obama said. And when he wasn't talking, his wife was making a more emotional plea, arguably stealing the show after showing some initial jitters.

It really sounds like Michelle Obama did a tremendous job. Maybe she should be the orator of our generation.

The two prominent local reps, Daley and Ryan, did themselves no favors during the presentations. Daley rambled like a man who has been on the road too long. As for Ryan, why was he referencing Chicago's "shopping" edge?

Cause he's fucking insane.

He doesn't think Rio, Madrid and Tokyo have great shopping districts?

No, he was probably just trying to sell his city. Just like how Silva didn't ramble on about Rio's murder rate. Would have been counter productive.

"These Games can be a reminder that America at its best is open to the world,'' the president said. The world isn't open to America, apparently.

The world has been open to us in the past. In 1989 Atlanta surprisingly beat out Athens (aiming to host the 100 year anniversary of the first games in Athens), Melbourne and Toronto. We are also the nation of the Salt Lake City bribery scandal. I think it is understandable if the world is a little disillusioned with us. On top of the fact we have hosted four Olympic games over the last 30 years. I do hope we get another Olympiad. Sometimes we get the votes like in 1996. Sometimes we don't like this year. This wasn't our year for any number of reasons that don't involve Steve Bartman or President Obama.

As for the critics who have made an issue of Obama spending a morning in Copenhagen with so much else on his presidential plate,

You wanted him there for a week so he could wrestle Silva.

his chief of staff had a retort. "You know," Rahm Emanuel said, "we'll make sure they get some good seats once Chicago does host the Games."

Oops.

Oops.

I already said that.

"I don't want to call it trouble. We introduced Chicago to the world," Ryan said. "Chicago is so much better known today and appreciated and respected -- all around the world. Chicagoans can hold their heads high. We're sorry we didn't bring home a victory."

Where have we heard that before?

In another one of your lame ass columns?

All on the next Oprah.

This is one of those lines that columnist end with. It's meant to be whitty and everything but really makes no sense. Just because you are using Oprah as a referent doesn't make your article comes full circle. Unless that circle is something Dante wrote about.

I do believe there are some questionable decisions made in the voting process. Many of the practices that occur are peculiar at best, shady at worst. I partially agree with Mariotti's thesis, but instead of blaming Obama or Chicago's inability to win the big one, let's look at a more plausible explanation.

There is an episode of The Simpsons where Bart runs for Class President and becomes the overwhelming favorite. In the end nobody votes for Bart because it is assumed he'll easily win since everybody else thinks everybody else will vote for him. Martin Prince however wins the election when only two people, himself and Wendell, voted out of the entire 4th grade class.

A lot of Olympic politicking is similar to that. While Tokyo was not seen as the favorite, and feeling that Chicago was probably one of the final two choices, some of those Asian nations voted for Toyko, hoping to prevent the country from embarrassment. Of course the fear of Tokyo being embarrassed becomes moot as Tokyo finished third in voting, and Chicago last. There is a very good chance Madrid and Tokyo received a few extra votes from nations believing Chicago and Rio would be the runaway favorites. In the second round, Tokyo actually lost two votes. One would think Tokyo would only add votes, but having avoided the dubious distinction of going out in the first round, some of the IOC members probably voted for the nation they believed would be a better host between Rio or Madrid.

Until the IOC goes away from the secret ballot or has only one round of voting, these backdoor deals (whether due to collusion or not) will continue to exist.

Chicago not winning the games has more to do with the bitterness between the USOC and the IOC. Many of the European nations took issue with the United States. There are any number of very good reasons why Chicago lost.

Mariotti chose arguably the two stupidest and nonsensical reasons as to why Chicago lost, and wrote about it in a shitty column.

I hate you Jay Mariotti.